a grey mist

grey mist haiku

the midday sun fades
a grey mist blurs the green hills
the world disappears

“Your best days are sometimes those when you end up with less on the page than when you started.”

— Hilary Mantel / “How Writers Learn to Trust Themselves”

Posted in Writing | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

pierced her medulla

The Migraine

Mary crashed. She was out of sorts after the apparition, but she recovered enough to do this on Saturday. She wrote:

07/24/21

I’m gonna remix the Shakespeare sonnet in today’s “Poem of the Day” email. I’m going to give it the cut-up, erasure, funk-o-rama dash and then continue on writing the draft of my novel. I feel good today!

on creatures we desire

creatures we desire

die,

as the y decease

t heir memory

contract s,

flame s – fuel

famine a nd lies,

foe s too cruel.

now the world’s a

spring

waste d .

Pity the world s

a grave .


Sonnet 1: From fairest creatures we desire increase by William Shakespeare

From fairest creatures we desire increase,
That thereby beauty’s rose might never die,
But as the riper should by time decease,
His tender heir might bear his memory;
But thou, contracted to thine own bright eyes,
Feed’st thy light’s flame with self-substantial fuel,
Making a famine where abundance lies,
Thyself thy foe, to thy sweet self too cruel.
Thou that art now the world’s fresh ornament
And only herald to the gaudy spring,
Within thine own bud buriest thy content,
And, tender churl, mak’st waste in niggarding.
Pity the world, or else this glutton be,
To eat the world’s due, by the grave and thee.


This was all she could manage as a migraine pierced her medulla oblongata, shot through her thalamus and corpus callosum, and shred through her limbic lobe, then reticulated and settled in her frontal lobe for the day. It would suffice.

“Don’t write out of anyone’s need except your own. Don’t try to cater to an audience you think may not be keeping up with you—find the audience who will.”

— Hilary Mantel / Mantel Pieces

Posted in Writing | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

by that apparition

the apparition

On 07.23.21 Mary was unable to write much, haunted and paralyzed by that apparition all those years ago—now making residence again somewhere deep in her mind. She had a day full of distrait, disinhibition, and discountenance—deliberate and unseen.

(these were all she did)

“His was a great sin who first invented consciousness. Let us lose it for a few hours.”

— F. Scott Fitzgerald / “The Diamond as Big as the Ritz”

Posted in Writing | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

you may return

this lacks a title
there are no words in bold to be found here
it’s disjointed and attenuated
there’s distortion to static
don’t panic
it’s all under control thought many
(but said no one ever)

this writing lacks images

no ideas but in things
(said a wise man)

you will find nothing here
but attrition
and contrition

(you may return to your regular programming)

“If there’s one thing you can say about mankind
There’s nothing kind about man
You can drive out nature with a pitch fork
But it always comes roaring back”

— Tom Waits / “Misery Is the River of the World”

Posted in Writing | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

it’s awful offal

Mary’s Baroque Personage

Minimalist clap trap insouciance get away from my baroque personage. Someone once said they were transpecies extraordinaire, and someone cut in and quailed: surrender your gender; then an acerbic other cut in sniping: exploiters, exploiters, exploiters while standing in gray back-alley New York. Some tinkling, and someone singing this is the day, followed by a slew of pimply-faced youths miming the lyrics and someone doing an accordionist’s job at playing as if they were in earnest. What did it mean as it flashed by, a mere whir of postulates without proofs—proofs without antecedents. And the best you can do now is remember something you read from Kierkegaard, who was too much religious, (and worse a christian, just as you had been hoodwinked into when you were too young to do anything about it) for your palate, but it was an incisive leap on his part, that century and a half ago: “Anxiety is the dizziness of freedom.” The angst-y freedom to be a serf to your lifestyle, to your politics, to your country, to your family, to your life and how you’ve lived it … and it dawns upon you in ever sharper cubist shards—it’s awful. It’s offal. It’s awful offal. Oh, take another shot of distilled teenage epistemological tripe and go back to your dark corner counting the moldy efflorescences on your shower stall. Really! No one ever.

“Anxiety is the dizziness of freedom.”

— Søren Kierkegaard / The Concept of Anxiety

Posted in Writing | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

no one ever escapes

on 07/20/21 Mary made this collage in her journal…

If properly designed the machine will kill and photograph us simultaneously. It could be a best seller!

Oh, the schadenfreude we’ll feel the day a billionaire blows himself up rocketing toward escape velocity—no one ever escapes.

“If we can fool ourselves into believing we’re happy, aren’t we, in fact, happy?”

— Elisa Gabbert / “Picture Yourself Happy”

Posted in Writing | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

the imminent dissolve

A Flash Cut Before the Imminent Dissolve

Mary has a budget of eleven nails—
She scores her shy puppet
On a cross that revolves on the ceiling fan—
In her austere grey room.

“Between the idea
And the reality
Between the motion
And the act
Falls the Shadow …”

— T.S. Eliot / “The Hollow Men”

Posted in Writing | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

a shy homunculus

Foamscaped

Small sharply defined puffs—
No heat, no air compressors,
Gaskets, rubber seals, rubber feet—
Cloud-like, a shy homunculus,
Trapped beneath a 5 o’clock crowd.

“In my hungry fatigue, and shopping for images, I went into the neon fruit supermarket, dreaming of your enumerations!”

— Allen Ginsberg / “A Supermarket in California”

Posted in Writing | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

the slow-know kiss

a silver issue

On July 17, 2021, Mary Arroyo wrote a cut-up poem “Burroughs/Gysin” style—based on Leonie Adams’s “Midsummer”—in her journal:

star-break silver stanzas

the bluebonnet hydrosphere
the slow-know kiss
the jewel carbuncular
my air color chamber
my starbreak grasses
the spurn of the moon
my carnation silver color deep
the all go day bed

the dust pallor changing
to brightened summer
the clay dew waters mark
earthlight as honey shore
the air risen lovely
my frost earth dying by color catch

time fruits
star-break waters gain before the flood
baffled berry amber like the moon’s breaking

the deep celestial fall
beyond the jewel sink chambers
the grasses moon-pressed and flower

a silver issue

“I have taken to photographing
my every moment
in an attempt to locate
the place where I lost myself.”

— Cynthia Cruz / “Phosphorescence”

Posted in Writing | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

someone with ague

press the play button above & watch the short film apohenia / istsfor manity, 2021

apophenia

on 07/16/2021 Mary Arroyo writes:

today i‘ll make a short film & call it pansophism: the pretense is the matter—there will be someone with ague & someone arguing: “why didn’t you take better care of yourself?” a sweet shimmering sound will rain down upon disturbed souls…

NO NEVERMIND I’LL CALL IT APOPHENIA

“I was much further out than you thought
And not waving but drowning …
I was much too far out all my life
And not waving but drowning.”

— Stevie Smith / “Not Waving but Drowning”

Posted in Writing | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment