Carmen’s Worm Meets Lancelot Link

“The furin cleavage site. How’d it get there? That’s the key,” he said.

“Carmen’s worm ruined the Christmas party,” she said.

“Batten down the Babesiosis, boys, it’s going to be a bumpy ride,” said the interloper she.

“What’s this all about? What are you folks saying?” said the guest with the foldback ears. “Are you people virologists, or epidemiologists, or something?”

“Or something!” The first three said in unison.

“Seriously,” foldback ears man said, “what are you on about?”

“About gain-of-function,” said the first.

“About serial passage,” said she, the second.

“About parasitic spores in the rose garden funeral of sores,” said the third (you know, the interloper).

“I don’t follow any of you,” said sir foldback. “I came in looking for the Lancelot Link 50th Anniversary Shindig.”

“Oh,” said furin cleavage site boy.

“Oh,” said Carmen’s worm lady.

“Oh,” said the pathophysiologist, the third. “I actually thought this was the bilirubin breakout session.”

“Oh, no, that’s just down the hall. I passed it on my way here,” said the foldback ear Lancelot Link fan. “Come on, I’ll walk you over. I’ve got to find the shindig before they auction off Mata Hari’s and Commander Darwin’s autographed paw prints—“

“Uh, technically they’re considered hand prints. Come, let us go then, you and I,” said she in search of bilirubin workgroups (the pathophysiologist, remember?)

“Yes, let’s,” said foldback boy. “I find this has grown tiresome and pedantic.”

What I’m Listening To:

“A man wants to smell like a man
To crumple a can in the palm of his hand
This is a man . . . “

— Reverend Fred Lane / “The Man with the Foldback Ears”