She delivered a dead man aboard pretending he was drunk. Otherwise, she delivered groceries ordered through an app. Though it must be said that she sometimes delivered blows to the head. The unsuspecting victims then became the next batch of sailors to be delivered up for impressment. She didn’t do any of the processing herself—she merely dropped off the victims, and on occasion delivered arithmetic books to various regional libraries.
One day she struck an unsuspecting Calculus book (like it was 1812) and sent a number of differential and multivariable maths skittering across the highway. She knew an opportunity when she struck one.
Upon exiting her impressment mobile she herself was struck, in the most integral of manners, by an errant British man-o’-war—three hundred miles off course from a breadfruit processing plant. It goes to show that calculus and impressment aren’t complementary.
You may now return to your regularly scheduled life. Thank you.
What I’m Listening To:
“Damn it, honey
When you jump up and down
Your chains almost sound like a tambourine”
— Aldous Harding / “Damn”