i remain ungainly


I am awkward in appearance. A sea oat blown near-horizontal. I will grow this beard as long as I want. I doomscroll as a default setting. I get excited when the gales cause these walls to creak. My minions deserted me long ago. Every alternating day silence and dread is all I get. And I get it, you know? No one wants to hear this, even less, no one wishes to read it, but I’ll tell you: you can’t be dead if you wanna’ make bread. That’s a sure thing. Money’s in the breakbeat. Mandrake’s in the shoals. Lost souls. That guy sang, “they keep calling me!” Lost Souls. I remain ungainly.

What I’m Reading, or: What I Just Finished Reading (a continuing series)

Old in Art School / Nell Painter (2018)

Respected Ivy League historian leaves cushy professorial job to get a BFA and MFA in painting, at the age of 64, because she desires to leave no stone unturned in a fully engaged, examined, and actualized life.

KUDOS that!

Said ex-professor/painting student wishes to become a canonized and collected professional painter, and gain entry into “Thee Art World” after 5 years of quasi-full time art making, (amidst dying parents, commuting cross country to Oakland, and fulfilling outstanding professional commitments) and make art tastemakers bend to her will.


Simultaneously inspiring and trying. Ends up being a long-winded whinge-o-rama.

Ebook & Audiobook, 03/09/21.

“I just regret everything and using my turn signal is too much trouble. Fuck you. Why should you get to know where I’m going, I don’t.”

— Mary Robison / Why Did I Ever

About istsfor manity

i'm a truncated word-person looking for an assemblage of extracted teeth in a tent full of mosquitoes (and currently writing a novel without writing a novel word) and pulling nothing but the difficult out of the top hat while the bunny munches grass in the hallway. you might say: i’m thee asynchronous voice over in search of a film....
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