… rooted in the world. Adamantine, I say…
You there, bring the claque around, those pot-bellied trash throwing fiends, so that I may bowdlerize the founding documents. I’ll read them aloud in the quavering castrato of the bear baiters or dog and pony show barkers. Here, here, tit, tit, and all that. Tell me your story then. Why so sullen there? Why the downcast?
Well, because my order of Hallmark cards, Trumpy Bear, and Nancy Pelosi Chew Toy was lost in the mail. And dab-gone-it, if that doesn’t remind me of the time my order of the Up With People album, and the Richard M. Nixon inaugural addresses on reel to reel tapes were lost in the mails too, and then found, in 1977 — three years late — in a dead letter office in Valdosta, Georgia.
After all that waiting someone sent me albums from something called Sex Pistols, Richard Hell & the Voidoids, and Dead Boys instead. What in creation?! Why? Why would any of that even exist?
So that put me off mail order for decades.
Then I couldn’t resist anymore, about ten years ago, I was switching around the channels while I waited for my favorite Home Shopping Network show to come on, and I came upon an ad for My Pillow. Goodness me! I just had to have one, and while I was very surprised by the steep shipping and handling charges, and the pillow did turn ratty a bit too quickly — Mike, the host was such a lovely person on-screen, AND he’s been redeemed — so I just chalked it up as taking one for the big guy.
There I was again, ready to shop by mail to my heart’s content and willing to open my heart and my wallet.
I’ve been waiting for my Trumpy Bear and Pelosi Chew Toy for far too long — I can live without the Hallmark for now — but I just found out the packages are forever lost in the mails.
What is Checkers Jr. Jr. going to chew on?
It’s another hit job by the deep… never mind that… my Lawrence Welk rerun is on soon, I’ve gotta get back.
“You must find another reason to work, other than the desire for success or recognition. It must come from another place.”
— Elizabeth Gilbert