Crosseyed and Prickly

I woke up perpendicular and pediculous.

Careful who you sleep with. I am festooned with all manner of red bites and welts throughout my body.

(I’m not certain if it’s anything like the Chris Frantz anecdote where he woke up with a case of crabs after he let Kathy Acker use his apartment one night… but maybe it is)

Exception being that I willingly took to bed with this person I met at the club last night, and he smelled quite nice and seemed well kempt. Nothing about his apartment or bed to set off alarms — in fact I enjoyed the aspirational copies of Dwell on the coffee table, and the 800 thread count sheets — it was a humble, young professional on the way up type apartment.

I can’t bear the lice. Or is it crabs?

(I’m crosseyed and prickly)

No matter, I’m off to the doctor this morning — or maybe off to get hit by a double decker bus, knowing my luck.

“If you can wake up in a different place.
If you can wake up in a different time.
Why can’t you wake up as a different person?”

— Chuck Palahniuk / Fight Club