5 Gripe Rant
Loud cellphone talkers beget cellphones stalkers. I’m the woman you fear, dear. I don’t care if you received a merit badge for sailing, I don’t care because I’m just a few steps ahead of you and you can’t escape what I have in store for you tonight.
Yeah, so who is this Ariel you’re talking to? Does she have what I have, what I can give you? You have no idea I’m here and there will be hell to pay, sir. Who gives a damn that other firms are going to participate? What are you talking about. You loudmouth.
You know what I’m going to do for you? I’m going to make you a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for dinner — because I can be a hipster too. You’re going to meet at the Haim show? Good luck with that. I’ll show you what a real “Vampire Weekend” is.
Yes, Ariel, it’s still raining and you can shove that grocery list up your… What? What! You need cottage cheese and paper plates? Shut up, you witch.
Oh too bad, so sad, Ariel. He won’t call you later, you won’t see him later, you won’t make the show.
Hey, why are you turning up this street? Why are you going back downtown? Who are you calling now?
Stop, turn away, he’s turning and looking this way. Hah! There’s another thing this umbrella is good for, you pig. No, you really have no idea I’m following, do you? Well, today was your unlucky day.
Only if you could have put the phone away earlier. That pathetic rant about your boss being a bitch and that women shouldn’t be in the industry, no place in financial…
Who is that? Kissing another woman. Oh, that’s rich. Ariel, you’re an idiot. Pig. Pig. Pig. You’re going to pay.
“Writers will never be happy until they realize that getting published is not a worthy goal. Writing is the best part of being a writer. Getting published gives you moments of happiness, but it’s nothing compared to the extended happiness of writing itself.”
— Carol Fisher Saller