the terminal point (redux)

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What Ails You?

“Mama? What’s a welkin? Is that like a pickle?”

“No, dear. It’s the vault of the sky. The firmament, you know?”

“Is that like something permanent, Ma?

“No… It’s Satan! Satan! Satan! Satan!”

The clouds part and harp music ensues. Celestial bodies retreat to the edges, and the terminal point of the universe is revealed.

It’s merely tinsel with a corrugated cardboard backing holding this all up …

… and the choirmaster is a washed up, combed-over, carnival barker who loves tanning beds and all the best words. He has the best words, and all the chicks dig him, or so he says.

Ain’t we lucky to be living in the here and now?

… and now back to our episode:

“But, Mama, you made the Shake ‘n Bake without letting me help you!”

“Aw, go to bed already, you pain in the ass!”

And here are some scenes from next week’s episode…

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What I’m Reading, or: What I Just Finished Reading (a continuing series)

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Stamped from the Beginning: The Definitive History of Rascist Ideas in America / Ibram X. Kendi (2016)

A big serious book, on a big serious matter. It’s breathtaking in its scope and research. Time and time again I wondered why we get shortchanged in our history, literature, political science, sociology classes — at least I did and I spent over ten years at the undergraduate and postgraduate level. We, as Americans do ourselves a great disservice when we continue to WHITEwash history — especially in a country founded on the backs of black Africans and black Americans. This was slow going, especially compared to Kendri and Jason Reynolds (YA) take on Stamped: Racism, Antiracism, and You (also highly recommended). But well worth the effort. I can only hope that kids in schools and universities are getting a fuller picture now — or else we risk another 400 years of needless pain and suffering.

Paperback, 02/28/21.

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Medical Apartheid: The Dark History of Medical Experimentation on Black Americans from Colonial Times to the Present / Harriet A. Washington (2008)

Tough and disturbing read that turned my stomach a dozen times. A massive and painful, and excellently researched, history of the pathological trend in American medicine and research of using Black Americans as subjects. A rogues gallery of unethical and inhumane doctors, scientists, and government agencies rationalizing away their ethics for the bottom line. Now, Washington tells us, the problem has moved on to the less regulated environs of Africa and Latin America.

Ebook, 03/02/21.

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A Small Place / Jamaica Kincaid (1988)

Sharp anti-colonialist travelogue opening with a brief tour of Antigua (Kincaid’s native country)-cum history-cum screed against the old Bristish rule, American hegemony, tourist entitlement, and corrupt post-colonial rule. Sardonic, righteous, and a quick read.

Ebook, 03/04/21.

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Meander, Spiral, Explode: Design and Pattern in Narrative / Jane Alison (2019)

I’d love to be a student in one of Alison’s literature classes because she’s great at exegesis and open to alternative formal constructions. 

I think my problem was that I listened to the audiobook (which was included in my Audible membership) — even though I don’t have any issues with the subject matter. As I listened to this book I kept on thinking how much I’d like to see the text Alison was referring to. Or, how the topic may have been improved if she were covering short stories in their entirety, as opposed to short excerpts of novels — a number of which I haven’t read. 

(Think of how George Saunders solved this in A Swin in a Pond in the Rain by focusing on seven classic Russian short stories and including them in their entirety.)

I think this is a very good read — my to read list grew by a few books, and I’m currently reading Mary Robison’s Why Did I Ever thanks to Alison’s hermeneutical take. This would make a great textbook in a class covering these novels.

Audiobook, 03/05/21.

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Kingdom Animalia / Aracelis Girmay (2011)

Sharp images as in “Self-Portrait as the Sanke’s Skin”

“I’ll miss you deer, / but I choose my head / & carry it out of doors:
a bucket of eels / to set loose / in the dark, December sea.”

Complex constructions.

Attuned to liminal moments as in “Elegy”

“Listen to me. I am telling you / a true thing. This is the only kingdom. / The kingdom of touching; / the touches of the disappearing, things”

And a bit of a gauzy collection.

Ebook, 03/06/21.

“I’m thinking, This is not like reading Alfred Lord Tennyson but neither is it like inhaling from a bag of glue.”

— Mary Robison / Why Did I Ever

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an outside thing

Pinned

Dig, Digby, dig.

Digby stomps on his shadow in the schoolyard. He tries to blot it out because it won’t stop following him. Digby believes the shadow rains down the indignities he suffers, although he doesn’t put it that way. He tells Funti that the shadow makes his father beat him, and his mother smoke too much.

“My shadow is a ruin I don’t want to visit, Funti. My shadow causes my father to think bad thoughts, and then to act on them. It’s the reason he beats me and my mother, although mother sometimes starts it when she drinks the whiskey after she finishes the wine.”

Digby has his shadow pinned by the ball of his foot. He applies so much pressure to pin his shadow his calf quivers and he balls up his fists.

“But Digby, your shadow has nothing to do in that. Do you see your shadow lurking at home when these things happen?” Funti says. “Your shadow stays out in the sun. It’s an outside thing.”

“Outside, inside, no matter. I know it’s at fault for our troubles. It lives in the walls, in the rug, in the ceiling. It moves about, Funti,” Digby says. “Just because I don’t see it doesn’t mean it’s not causing all my troubles.”

What I’m Reading, or: What I Just Finished Reading (a continuing series)

Black History for Beginners / Denise Dennis (1984)

Packed with excellent historical factoids that tell an important story.

But the art work seems slapdash and the text is riddled with mispellings and odd typos. It may be because I was reading an ebook version of the 1984 edition — the book has been revised twice since then and hopefully those quality issues addressed. The narrative history begins to substantively peter out during the late 1960’s—and seriously, only two sentences about Malcolm X?!

This is a good primer though. Even though I haven’t seen it, try to find the 2007 edition which hopefully addresses the aforementioned issues. Very good at pointing you in a number of interesting directions for your own research and further reading.

Ebook, 02/26/21.

****

Freedom Is a Constant Struggle / Angela Y. Davis (2016)

Transcripts of various speeches Angela Y Davis presented from 2012-2015; and transcripts from a series of interviews conducted by Frank Barat.

Still righteous, and correct, after all these years. But it becomes a bit repetitive as Davis repeats many of the same lines throughout the half-dozen or so speeches, which Barat asked about in the opening interviews. Solid read.

“… those who assume that because slavery was legally abolished in the nineteenth century, it was thereby relegated to the dustbin of history, fail to recognize the extent to which cultural and structural elements of slavery are still with us.”

Ebook, 02/27/21.

****

“I contend it is not the writing that makes writers miserable. It is the emphasis on publication.”

— Jane Yolen / Take Joy: A Book for Writers

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of dyspeptic ruin

Ingestion

This week from the site of ingestion
—from the site of dyspeptic ruin—
the moment you swallowed
the hegemonic tincture
and began your slow
disappearance
into the stew
inside the
melting
pot.

“Don’t try to figure out what other people want to hear from you; figure out what you have to say. It’s the one and only thing you have to offer.”

— Barbara Kingsolver

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a deficient ejaculation

Besotted with Crots*

1.

Quetzalcoatl Crank—
the sign says—
this is a great place to live!

I’ve got to get out of this crot.

2.

It’s not helpful that you speak in an endless stream of psittacisms while I’m trying to listen to incisive political commentary. Why do you keep talking over something I’m trying to listen to when I’ve asked you to stop?

3.

The dictator says: St. Ignatius used a cilice; hold your breath and expand, let go. And I do. She’s gesticulating wildly and walking toward me. “She has violent intent,” the dictator says.

4.

My father claimed once to have stopped a bullet with his chest. He ascribed it to the power of positive thinking and the deep groove the bullet made in the car’s dashboard. I wondered where he was and what he had been doing.

5.

I was the strongest sperm, in a multitude of millions, in a deficient ejaculation. In short, I was strongest swimmer in a pool of defectives.

I whipped my challengers with a muscular tail, but I was still less than ideal, or even normal.

(Seventeen years later I would be called the “classic underachiever” by my high school guidance counselor)

But that day I somehow made it through and spent the better part of a day breaching the egg’s defenses.

6.

I once withstood my father’s antisemitic rant—for just so long, until I could withstand no more—my Jewish girlfriend barely out of earshot.

7.

I’m on fumes, coasting toward the end of the month with very few crots to show. BUT, I’ve pivoted—definitely have—I feel like I’m moving on from this rut: extricated, manipulated, and cleansed. Plans solidifying, goals to attend to, and much to achieve out on the face-masked fields. Get to it. Do it. Be content upon finishing. This is my crot for the day.

8.

Out here even my thoughts stop … perhaps he is dead. But his drone sweeps over me in waves. There is a frayed quality to his tone.

9.

I reach for a fraying vine overhead and try to pull myself out before I’m sucked in by the quick mud. Dusk is approaching and something is stirring in the bush.


* a crot is a verbal bit or fragment used as an autonomous unit to create an effect of abruptness and rapid transition

“Nothing is going to happen in this book. There is only a little violence here and there in the language, at the corner where eternity clips time.”

— Annie Dillard / Holy the Firm

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dumpster-bin nonchalance

Self-Portrait (as the Jubjub Bird and the Frumious Bandersnatch) Down South

Jocose in those dying days of Sancti Spiritus. They jostled and jointed, they foisted and hoisted, the beams up to the sky. Mountain joists of slick primer. Letters fell out of the alphabet books and pooled ankle-high in the dead letter office on the outskirts of Cabaiguan.

Chinchilla chip extractions in darkened corners, in dumpster-bin nonchalance, in the space where I guarded a jar of borborygmus while thunder poured freely out of backyard spigots. Sanguine was the toothy man from Tayabacoa, the brass splayed out of his mouth, and delayed behind his teeth the bloody antiquarian rags.

Your erudition excited me so that I cracked in carbuncles that hissed upon maximum inflation. You lanced my ruined body. I pivoted in place, a silver bayonet engaging the rage of a moribund wrist toss.

Gathering dirt bombs. Gathering dust.

“You are—after all—the very first reader of what you write. Please that reader. You may not have any other.”

— Jane Yolen / Take Joy: A Book for Writers

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sometimes silence

sometimes

silence

“You write what you write, and then either it holds up or it doesn’t hold up. There are no rules or particular sensibilities. I don’t believe in that at all anymore.”

— Jamaica Kincaid

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claw trails glistening

Blues Cat Haiku

Anger kitty struck,
bloody claw trails glistening,
cool blues filigree.

“Anger after someone has died is a cake on a table, fully risen. A knife housed in glass.”

— Victoria Chang / “Victoria Chang”

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molasses death spiral

Stuck Abecedarian

It was drenched green. The gazetteer absconded with verisimilitude and we were left in this wasteland clenching our drooping marigolds. The villain left vanilla footprints and the abecedarian was stuck on E. Something sticky dripped down our hot backs and commingled, congealed, with our sweat. We were a prize for the ants and bees, but they all disappeared earlier than expected during the sixth extinction. What did you call this again? This slow molasses death spiral? You had a term for it that I thought was so appropriate, but I forgot it. In the end what difference did it make? You said it made none.

“I’ve never liked the idea of originality, and so my whole life I’ve always written by taking other texts, inhabiting them in some way so I can do something with them.”

–Kathy Acker

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the colors blanched

eyeless and unctuous

take my eyes
i want them not
there is nothing worth seeing in this world now
the colors blanched
everything i saw lost its definition
it all went soft

“Some live by love thy neighbor as thyself,
others by first do no harm or take no more
than you need
. What if the mightiest word is love?

Love beyond marital, filial, national,
love that casts a widening pool of light,
love with no need to pre-empt grievance.”

— Elizabeth Alexander / “Praise Song for the Day”

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in a vise

head in a vise

the seventeenth electroshock

a peppery taste

“So it is better to speak
remembering
we were never meant to survive.”

— Audre Lorde / “A Litany for Survival”

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